I will what I will.

I spend a lot of my time thinking, over-thinking, and analyzing. Its interesting to me that I can take so much time to weigh and measure, and yet still feel like I am someone who "accepts" things readily and lives in the moment.

I've come to a realization- something I've thought about many times before but never really paid attention to - so many of my thoughts and actions are responses to potential reactions of other people. Very often I limit myself, or present myself in a different way based on who I'm around and how I want them to think of me. This isn't new. I've always sort of prided myself in my ability to be a social chameleon. I'm finding, however, that it's coming at the expense my individuality.

Very few people know the me that I know, the one I'd like to show in all situations.

I had made the resolution some months back to be "unapologetically me." And while I have grown fond of that idea, now I believe I have the confidence to actually integrate the ideology into my life.

I'm tired of this fractured understanding of who I am. Rather than have only a glint of my true personality shine through a situationally affected character, I want to shine as myself constantly, and compromise only slightly as the situation requires.

It's time to make myself happy based on what I want and need. If who I am and how I act doesn't fit with someone else's idea, that's fine. Just don't expect me to change.

Its funny, as I look back on my life, the younger I was, the less I really cared what other people thought of me. Age makes you self-conscious, and that's a deceit I do not desire.
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